Onward something soldiers...

And so it's time to move on. A false-positive attack site listing on Google/Firefox/Blogger, recent personal crises, and this my emerald year set the stage for the jump to the Wordpress application installed in my domain server. Previous posts have been imported, a simple yet complex template chosen, and here we go musing, deriving, non-conforming, and idealizing again. I usually stick to whatever I am already accustomed to, to whatever or whoever opened up an opportunity for me, to things and people I have grown to love and care for. But things change and time passes and people leave you and life-affecting events happen. We can't stand our ground all the time. Sometimes we have to pick ourselves up and bring our philosophies, principles, and life lessons forward to a point where we can learn further and teach others as well. At times it may be rough, so rough it's almost unbearable. But smile, be hopeful, continue to try and do what good you can for yourself and others; and eventually, you may finally realize that happiness manifests not only in the form of positive milestones or in blissful continuity but in taking the chance to go on life's journey with as much as you are afforded. My unsolicited advice which I have to take as well: Choose to have a skip on your step, choose to trust the good in others (again), choose to smile, choose to seriously, responsibly enjoy life.

Thanks and enjoy the reads... >>> http://log.jaybeecc.com

the blackest night

yesterday, we broke up. one year, six months, and several days from july 2, 2007. i arrive home, lock myself in my room, and bury myself under the comforter. sleep, come. please. but we don't get what we want all the time obviously. i toss and turn. and shiver. and feel numb all over. and my heart feels so heavy and empty at the same time. i pray God will help me get through this. and i wish that the nightmares i used to have would finally be successful now. they leave me alone in my chaos. stunned, afraid of when the flood of emotions would break through, tears flow out to ease the rumbling in my soul. and i try to justify how right this decision we made is, how things have really not been going well, how we've been just going through the motions without the accompanying emotions. how we're trying or struggling to keep up. in the meantime, some external factors are driving a wedge between us. and that maintaining our relationship has become somewhat of a chore. wouldn't it be better if we retained almost everything and not just have any expectations from each other? in other words, we're saying goodbye to our commitment to a romantic relationship but not the friendship. that would be ideal. if only it didn't feel like getting a stake driven through your heart... it was expected. early on, it was a surprise to even have this chance. and i'm grateful. and by the middle, we were struggling with how to keep the passion burning. i never was a scout. embers eventually die out. and you'll notice, you'll feel when there is no more care for you. when it's been sidetracked to something or someone else. and as much as you'd want to fight for it, you know also that if it truly was, is, love, then you'd have to let go... yes, it feels like someone very close to me died. and you imagine looking inside the casket and see yourself there finally rid of the pain, and at peace. blink. it's someone else but you wish it was you all the same. it does feel like my heart, still connected to my chest cavity, after getting pulled out, was laid on the pavement for a dumpster to drive over. ironically, magically, i'm also beside the driver. i am also at fault... it's almost midday and i want to sleep. and i want to be able to accept this faster and not go through the fabled series of steps after a break-up. the night is darkest just before the dawn? let me get a few z's, check if my heart is still beating, and let's see this dawn...

doodiebear+poopsterton

7/2/2007 - 1/10/2009

The Green (12) - Resolvolutions

Stress, stress, go away, come again anoth- no, wait, stress don't come at all. Everyone wishes. And who am I to be granted that wish? Just a humble servant trying to do good for as many people as possible. No, seriously? No, seriously?!?! Well, I try my best... Anyway, this post is the first of twelve that counts down to the last day of my Emerald year. I've chosen "The Green" as the title of the series because it's my favorite color, and it's the color of an emerald, and it symbolizes something that's growing, something fresh or new, and i can be inexperienced and gullible and envious too, but generally because I just want things to be better, not just for myself, and because green also stands for peace, nature, balance, health, wealth, and other positive things that have become ideals and aspirations for most who often spend so much effort to achieve and yet they hardly realize. I think a missing part of the equation is sincerity and well, significantly more selfish and greedy people doesn't help the cause. But it's a new year. And when a new year comes around, a lot of things seem to become possible, doable, achievable. It's a perfect opportunity to jot down a few things you'd like to accomplish. I usually like to plan ahead already so this first month, while lounging around my room got me thinking, imagining, brainstorming about what I'd like to see happen down the road. And so without further ado, here are some of my plans (and some updates too):
1) Get back to 150 lbs. After Christmas, I gained 4 lbs which brought me up to 146. Then after new year's and a couple of gym sessions, dropped 2 lbs. Sheesh. And all the stress isn't helping. I need to eat more and still go to gym and lose the fat and gain definition.
2) Meet and keep at least 35 new friends. Get their number, get their birthdate, and post it on the greeter banner on my website. I already met some this past week so that's good.
3) Finally get a project at work. I've been on "bench" for 5 months and I'm way past crazy-bored. Three projects that I was supposed to handle didn't materialize so it's like holding off on orgasm three times in a row. Bad image? There's a new one I'm proposed to that I still have to get more info on. Yet the manager(s) at my current account seem to can't wait to kick me out. I haven't been that unruly. Have I?
4) Film Amor Power! I have to finish the script first. And to do that, I need a gay-lingo translator. Then I would need maybe three directors to split the tasks with. Oh and I need money to finance the project. Yeah. So it'll be hard. But it'll be so, um, oooh aahh yeah, baby, yeah!
5) Revive the Whether Vain series and post one set to accompany each countdown entry.
Hmm, I think I do look stressed. Well, compared to previous sets. But that was a year and a half ago.
6) Speaking of a year and a half ago, I still want to work on keeping doodiebear+poopsterton strong. There are currently "external" forces that are dampers. And really I can actually feel my heart almost giving in. But it's coping. I'm coping. Trying to. Am I trying too hard? Or am I not setting up enough? See, so green! More on this on other entries... Keep tuned!
7) And speaking of doodiebear+poopsterton, I'm planning on a comic strip akin to Kahulugan ng Buhay plus Jeff Thomas' Pon and Zi. I already have sketches of the the doodiebear and poopsterton characters. They're bears with caps on. Hopefully will launch soon. Thinking of documenting the past via this strip. But could I handle the added strain of reminiscing? :)
8) And I need to fill up the website. And will have to renew the ipower contract this year too.
9) Finally, by the end of this series, there'll be a celebration for what has transpired. And I hope you're a part of it. House party- December 12, 2009!

There. Wish me luck. And I wish you all luck too. Here's to our new year! *excited on what will happen*

34

How was my day? Was playing Fallout 3 til past 1AM so when I woke up at 6AM to get ready for my medical checkup, I still felt groggy. Anyway, I was only able to leave the house at 9:30AM because I needed to have the ahem sample. Arrived at Shangri-la mall past 10. Walked to Healthway and my next hour was spent giving samples and getting an X-ray, ECG (my first time), and pulling my pants down to cough several times. Bought a knitted shirt at Tyler. Bought the latest Gaiman book, The Graveyard Book. Planning to give it to doodiebear to read on the flight to and from L.A. Also got the 9th TPB of Fables so I can read it before the 10th volume which I got last month. At the counter, I was advised to reach P2,000 worth of purchases so I can get the Fully Booked discount card. So I got Maguire's Wicked, the novel the Broadway musical was based on, for my niece Faye. Then went to Megamall to get a new pair of contacts. Bought Krispy Kreme for my training class at work. Went back to Shangri-la mall to buy some medicines, and have lunch (it was already 2PM!). Then went to the office to deliver the donuts to my class. Left around 6PM to go to Market, Market and be at the Fort in case doodiebear, coming from a 3-day conference at Sofitel, wants to ride with me going home. Too bad Bolt wasn't showing at Market, Market so I just bought a ticket to go see Twilight. I had some time to spare so I walked around the mall. Saw Bananapeel and I got a pair of slippers just like my other Bananapeel pair. After the movie screening, I met Desi and had dinner at Pancake House. I gave Desi a complimentary copy of Here Going Lost. He paid for my "breakfast" dinner. Then drove home. There was still some moderate to heavy traffic along Edsa, geez. Tiring day. But good. It could have been better. But that's life - we don't always get what we want, wish for or hope for. But I'm still hopeful for my emerald year :)

Mansociety - Liv and Luv (2003)

I have to try and grab a nicer copy of these videos and pictures... Although, they are from 5 years ago and taken from my old Panasonic video camera... Where is my old camera and the tapes?

Anyhow, Mansociety was an internet barkada (clique) founded in September 11, 2001 - yes, that's the date. I think founder Andrew was smoking a cig in a coffee place one night just before news broke of the terrorist attack in the U.S. and said "Why don't I form an internet barkada named Mansociety?" And the rest, as they say, and good thing not as sorrowfully remembered (if at all? *ahwehwehwe*), is history.
One youtube video here.
And another one here.
You can also visit my multiply site.
For this concert party, a couple of people from radio (AM not FM though) hosted with a contact center agent and a doctor.
The capacity of the Entertainment Hall in Robinson's Galleria was 600. But only 350 guests came. So there were more than enough beer to go around! :)
There was also a contest for the best dressed. Or was it star of the night? Or for people who really stood out with what they were wearing...
And here's a guest performance by someone from my office, singing an Ogie Alcasid medley. So there- a concert party almost six years ago... More pictures of the group in future entries.

Patience is a *BER* too

September is the start of the Christmas season here in the Philippines. At work, September is the start of the fiscal year. A new beginning. And lots of stuff to look forward to like gift giving in December, bonuses to buy the gifts with, parties, food, and hopefully we also look forward to opportunities doing good not just for ourselves. Schitz, this is going to be preachy but hey I don't do it often so bear with me. I received this email dubbed "voted as best email of the year" in which pictures of people in need are placed side by side with situations we may be more familiar with, comfortable situations, OUR comfortable situations. And it goes on to sort of lecture us: that we should feel so much better about ourselves despite feeling unhappy with our current situations, thinking our salaries are low, thinking we don't have as many friends as we want, thinking the world is against us, thinking we can't replace our year-old running shoes yet, etc... Oftentimes we may think life is unfair to us. If you are reading this, we are so wrong. I agree - we have no right to complain. We become impatient when we don't get the good fortune we think we deserve. Why don't we try to put our energies into pushing for helping others who need more than we do? Quick, push to help others now instead! If you can, donate to legitimate organizations that help those in need. Little things still add up to make a big difference. If we all work together, we'll be able to reward the patience of those who have long suffered.
*pictures are from the email I got

In the company I work for, they annually raise funds for an educational endeavor in Barobaybay (Samar). This activity happens around April to June. I have an idea of putting up water containers that employees can drop their loose change in much like the canisters you see in a lot of establishments in the shopping and even dining places in the metro. If we start now, maybe by April next year, we could fill up several. (Hmm, I haven't thought of how much effort is needed to roll those coins up later on so that it'll be easier to submit to the fund though...) I've named the activity - Baryabaybay (barya is Tagalog for coins or loose change). The by-line is: Change for the children. :) This could still change though... Loose change for a solid future? Oh, and I've thought of another activity but I'll just give details in a future update. Clue: Sing song blue.

Time for love

Aug. 16, 2005

right now, you're single. and happy - you tell yourself. you really are - you assure yourself. and then you see a couple walking by, holding hands and being sweet and a part of you betrays how much you long for a constant companion too - someone to share your life with, a person who would willingly share their life with you as well, and be your witness (taken from Susan Sarandon's line in the movie Shall We Dance?). and then the tougher part of you justifies that not having another person (apart from family) to exclusively love is fortunately not fatal. and the world being as it is - more people not all that serious or committed or sincere or loyal - finding that one special person to love with all your heart and with all your might is definitely difficult. are you being too choosy when there are already some choices? have you pushed yourself to remain single? yes. because there is a choice. to be with someone you really love and would grow to love even more. and since a relationship is between two people, both parties have to agree on the same thing: being in love with, loving, and continuing to love the other. and not just portions. life is quicker-paced today but a balance must be struck to get to know your (potential) partner better and to keep the strong feelings you have for that person. one: you should really be in love. your life makes adjustments to factor in your partner. and love does not diminish, it develops positively. two: you should be responsible with your commitment. you can't just call it quits. or were you really in love in the first place? do you love the person or do you just want to be with someone? love is shared. and it's not directed towards ourselves but outwards to everyone we can share it with- be it one single significant other, our family, friends, or other people. it would be nice to have a partner to spend the rest of your life with, with whom you can be weak and you'll hear 'it's ok, i'm here, things are going to be alright.' and you're hopeful for that. as you're hopeful that life can be lived as productively, lovingly, and happily with or without a witness. love goes on.

Positive Illusions

Feb. 20, 2007

Reading Marc Buckingham's book on managing, leading, and succeeding, entitled "the one thing you need to know," I came upon a section that discussed the one thing you need to know about (a) happy marriage. It was just a parallelism to what he's going to tackle in the book but it had a very strong point in itself. It can also be applied to life, in general. And it supported some of the beliefs I subscribe to. To rephrase what Mr. Buckingham offered, the one thing you need to know about happy marriage, or I'd like to replace it with the term commitment, is that you have to give the best, most generous, and positive explanations for your partner's characteristics and behavior. It's a positive illusion. It may not totally be true but you have to believe in it. And if you think about it, yes, if you will maintain a positive outlook towards your partner and relationship, it will affect you just as positively. Notice how people and their relationships start to sour once they notice, keep noticing, and dwell on something not so likeable about their partner or the relationship they're in. Notice how quickly we get dismayed or depressed when something doesn't go as we planned it or when we hear something not too nice about ourselves. It's a natural reaction to feel bad and to not ignore when something isn't to your liking. But if play up the good things more and keep on believing in those things, life may seem better and easier too. It's pretty basic actually - just "think positive" or "look on the bright side" but it's not that easy to perform. Why else do you think when we were children we'd ask why it's so much easier for adults to see our mistakes rather than the good things we do. Well, if you're a parent yourself now, you'd notice you're doing that to your children too. But you still might not have the real answer as to why. No, it's not because we want our kids to be good and behave well and become better citizens when they grow older. Well, it's not exactly the reason why we notice the bad things first. So, I think, once we commit to someone, we'd have a better chance for that relationship to last if we keep on believing the positive things that we saw in our partner in the first place and that made us fall in love. Sounds a bit too idealistic? Sounds impractical, huh? What would you do if you find out your husband cheated on you? That could be a subject of another post but if we were to follow the positive illusions principle, I'd think what you'd do is ask yourself if you want to save the marriage and if the husband is repentant and if you think everything can still be saved. Ask yourself what is important to you and how much do you love your husband. Anyway, there are exceptions to every rule but this particular idea of positive illusions can be very helpful. To a child with no one to encourage him, he can still believe in himself to try to best in something he wants to do; to a spouse who catches her husband cheating on her, she can still believe that who she married is the man for her and that man commited a mistake he's sorry for and that man is still the one she sees herself spending the rest of her life with; to the ordinary man who works hard and yet just barely gets by each day, he can still believe that a brighter future waits for us all if not at least for the next generation, and that more and more people will help to ensure that future. These things may be positive illusions now but they can also guide us so that we can make them the reality very soon.

Happy Anniversary!

Plus this is my 200th post on this blog. Woo! So I'd like to thank the biggest inspiration I've had the past year... by a song :) It was 2005 since I last wrote a song and I don't know when the last time was that I wrote a song that's not a bitter-sweet or really-bitter love song. All thanks to my inspiration... L-l-like the song, I hope you do... Yes, the song! For L-l-le-let's get on with it, shall we? Closer, come closer... L-l-lyrics first...

MORE THAN I LET YOU KNOW

Love has come my way before
Then it couldn't stay no more
When least expected, this new chance,
You swept in to the rescue

Still amazed at how the stars
Had aligned and then conspired
To gift you to this fool aspiring
Never tiring just for you

No doubt, I'm not
The perfect match for you but
No indecision,
Though times I've said it few,
How much I love you so-
Much more than I let you know

There were times that I'd be scared
Losing you, may I be spared
My happiness revolves around
Your happiness delivered

Still I can't
Be everything to you but
Not one condition
So that I'll be true to
How much I love you so
Much more than I let you know

(Instrumental)

No doubt, I'm not
The perfect match for you but
No indecision,
Though times I've said it few,
How much I love you so-
Much more than I let you know

Long and short of it

Jan. 09, 2004

Some people are fixated with lengths, from longer
hair to longer legs to longer penises. Some people
think that longer is better, just like with the
ability to prolong copulation. The longer you
sustain one orgasm or have multiple orgasms over
just one period of lenghty, sweaty, intercourse,
would merit you a badge, a medal, or a trophy. But
as in any physical stimulation, pain or pleasure
is ephemeral. And wouldn't NOT prolonging the sex
act give you and your partner extra time to do
other things that could also produce various forms
of pleasurable feelings?

I don't know if there would be more men than women
who would think that a lengthier sex act is better.
I think only women can fake their orgasms so I
suppose women won't mind having just one a night in
maybe 15 minutes? Men, on the other hand, seem to
relish the idea of being able to make things longer.
For one, almost every man thinks that a longer dick
means a happier chick (or partner, to be politically
correct about it), well, except of course for those
who move to justify that endowment is useless
without proper style. So men then only think this
way just to feel superior? And yet during the sex
act, humans are at one of their most vulnerable.

The best tools do not necessarily make the best
products. And even then, somewhere else, there
could be one that is better. Long times spent on a
task does not mean a high-quality result. It is
more probable that the doer ends up more tired. So
just get whatever you have to do done in the least
amount of time, yet putting as much of yourself
into it, then you'll never fall short of doing
the best that you can for more things.

Faith, fate, fetes

Aug. 19, 2003

I believe that we all have to believe in something to
continue to survive. God and the mysteries of all of
the religions have continued to successfully evade
definition and explanation because, then, they wouldn't
remain mysterious, would they? Their very existence
depends on the mystery. They cannot afford to be
disproven. We also cannot afford that these things
we hold on to be disproven. And there are truths that
we certainly cannot handle. Like: Does our having
free will limit God's omniscience? And does fate
define the boundaries of our free will? Which came
first -- the egg or the chicken?

When we are born, our parents imagine the best for us.
When we learn how to imagine ourselves, we imagine
even better. We see ourselves as we could be further
down the road of life. We see ourselves to have
achieved goals we have set. That vision of our future
pushes us to continue to live. And if we were to look
at our life as just one long road with a beginning and
an end, on that last step is where religion, and, more
generally, faith earns its significance. If we did
not believe in anything- in what happens after we die,
in God, in karma, in lasting love, in memories, in
family and friends, what will hold us back from doing
just about anything that enters our minds now? The
world may be in an even worse situation than it
already is.

Only death and change are absolute, they say. May I
add making choices. We have to take sides, whether it
is regarding religion or consuming meat products. Our
choices define our experiences. Our experiences
define our lives. And we are part of other people's
experiences which define them. That's why we're here.
We are alive and we have choices to make. Let's live
responsibly and make responsible choices too because
we don't live alone.

Religion is part of our lives. It tries to fill a
void that will remain a void until we die and learn,
if at all, of other truths, that by then won't matter
anyway. But being human, we tend to justify our
actions and inactions now, and speculate on
repercussions. This happens most when we are treading
on uncertain ground, when we do not understand. And
then we also try to make others believe what we
believe to make us appear stronger in that belief.
But truth is as unique to each individual as there are
as many souls or as many as those who believe there
are souls. We get to choose what we believe in. So
choose. And believe.

I believe I know the chicken came first.

Pet peeves

I don't like driving behind smoke-belchers. Why are there any still? Some people must not be doing their jobs... I think they're hidden somewhere where they can just pounce on color-coding violators. Back to the smoke-belchers... I especially dislike getting Stella (my car) fogged because it sticks to her body and seeing as I don't have her washed more than once a week, children playing along our streets find it rather amusing to scribble their names and other messages on Stella.
Another peeve is entering a full parking lot that has several vertical levels that when there are no signs of anyone driving out, you'd have to look for another lot to park at and you've just used up gas the parking lot doesn't pay for and for some lots, they still charge you their minimum rate.

And then there's seeing these posters...
I'm not surprised why people throw stuff at it or overwrite the text with nasty messages. My question is "Why?" Why do these politicians have to plaster their names and images on every project they green-light? Was it their personal money? I'm guessing they will get to add on to their personal stash. I see waiting sheds with the whole name of the politician on top like there was a bus named the same going to stop there and pick up passengers. Do not vote for these people!

Ooh, have you seen the tv ads of Loren Lagarda and Manny Villar? Isn't it too early? Ok, ok, you want to help the "masang Pilipino," and become President. But seeing your faces and reading your names constantly is, in my opinion, disgusting.
All in the family: this Arlene girl who wants to follow in the footsteps of final-councilor-termer-brother is working pretty early to get her name out there and be known. They have contracts in place they wouldn't want other people getting? They want to keep the meager councilor salary in the family? Geez, anyone who gets to be President or a law-maker should first raise the salaries of government employees so they won't consider illegal means to get wealthy.

I still would want to be President or someone with enough power to change things for the better. But I don't think I'll do any good dead. And I fear the people in power now can easily kill off or "silence" anyone who radically don't follow the lead. Sigh. Hang in there, beloved country. Soon, things will be better.

Heart, the chihuahua

A little over a month ago, my sister's boss gave her a dog, a 3-year old chihuahua named Heart. Heart Evangelista. Isn't she cute? Yes, the dog. She's given birth twice, I heard. Yes, the dog.Here's where she sleeps, her duck-shaped doggie bed.
She's real friendly, too friendly in fact that she got dog-napped last Friday. A couple of kids climbed the medium-high wall near our gate and just took Heart. Good thing someone saw the vile deed. The next day, a bunch of kids returned Heart saying that they found her roaming the esquinita leading to our gate.
O-k, so apparently besides being a mild-mannered dog, Heart can also fly.
Sometimes, she's pretty active, jumping up and down on your leg and sometimes, she just sits there quietly waiting for a treat.

Wait for you (cover)

When you have some time to spare... maybe, just maybe, you'll take out your video camera and try to sing again. Maybe you'll decide on Elliott Yamin's and Kyla's hit and record yourself singing... And then, you'll upload it to youtube and to your blog. And here it is. Don't hate, wasn't really feeling too good today :(

33

And so it ends. Another 9-set Whether vain. And looking back at the 32 years of my life, I still feel I'm very blessed. And I'm still out to be able to, in my own little way, share the blessings I have received. "Why throw even one starfish back to the sea? There are hundreds of others on the shore - you can't throw all of them back in. - It matters for that one." Do what good I can, yeah.

Graphic Expression

If you want to create your own custom images like the one below to use in your websites, blogs, presentations, etc., then I suggest you click the title of this entry and head on over to ImageChef.com where you can customize images for whatever needs you have. Fancy writing in the sand or on wet cement? Want to see how your name looks like tatooed on someone's back? Browse ImageChef's library of customizable images now and you may just find that special graphic to send your special someone.

Simpsonize!

Straight from the Simpsons' universe, here are two new characters! Ben is an acter while Jerry is a writor.

100th blog post

Wow. A year ago, I was hesitant to get a blog of my own because my web host service for jaybeecc.com already came with a forum where I could post whatever I wanted to write about. And for years I was content with that. Well, things evolve somehow, and a blog is the way to easily get your stuff/content out into the wide web world.

Initially, I re-posted some of what I already wrote in my website forum. You can read them here. And then I stopped for a couple of months to concentrate on the independent film, Mean Well. And when I came back to post, I tried to set a theme... pictures of Churches I go to to attend mass in. I wasn't able to continuously visit a different church every Sunday so that idea fell through. And then slowly, and starting from the time I got a camera phone to take pictures more quickly than when I just used my video camera, I got into a rhythm of posting pictures of people, things, and places that interest me. And now, more frequently and consistently, I post short articles accompanied by pictures of people, things, and places that I experience.

One thing in this blog I'd like to maybe pursue later is to collect Fingermask'd pictures of people. It's certainly quirky and original (thanks to Warren Herrero, my officemate who gave me the idea by posing the Fingermask way in one photo I took of him). And then there could be a new pose coming- it's called the break-neck pose and you could see a couple of photos of me in this pose in the latter sets of the Whether Vain project.

From writing literary stuff, to songs to mail-zines (above image from Bitch n' Feces: Rare Pure Gas), to making my own website portal, to making independent digital features, to posting to this blog, to vlogging... things are coming together nicely. Now, I'd like to try to be able to get something from the hours I spend online, to maybe help finance my next independent feature project.

In the meantime, as a tip of the hat to the days when I was somehow able to write poetry, here's something I wrote yesterday. It's cheesy, I know. I love cheese!

I thank God for blessing my soul
and gifting you to me
stars align
conspire even
to bring us to today

I swear to make it last
imperfect though am I
this feeling I won't wish to undo
no doubt or indecision
for the lifetime remaining
I commit myself to pursuing your happiness
I love you so
and for life, this affirmation

To Where You Are

Scared-y Cat

Another song from 2001. I tried to splice two videos together to show the "conscience" part getting sung separately. Funny. Leave comments here or at youtube. Thanks!

Oh, and someone asked that I sing No Goodbyes again and to dedicate the video to his friends. I'll try to do that as soon as I can. You guys could also send in requests for dedications to this address.

***

Sometimes falling in love is more frightening than riding the tallest and fastest roller coaster with the most number of dangerously twisted turns and loops. Understandably, some folk would turn away from the entrance to the "love-ride" while some brave it. Some come out totally whacked, some unscathed, and a few enjoy the ride so much, they fall in line again.


Scaredy-cat
(2001)

I see her walk in the room
She wouldn't know it -- my heart just went zoom
I'd think of sweet words to say
But all I hear myself blurt out is "Hey."

I'm a scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat
Wish I knew how to roar
A scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat
Never felt this before
A scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat
I think I'm in love with --

#You'd catch a glimpse of her eyes
#And suddenly you're all but paralyzed
#Her voice then blows you away
#She's all you think about every single day

#If you're in love with her scaredy-cat
Wish I knew how to roar
#You better tell her that, scaredy-cat
I wouldn't know how to
#Move it or lose it now, scaredy-cat
She might even not like you

Me, I'm a scaredy-cat
My knees buckle when at bat
I fear losing her but then I realize
The worth -- her smile, her voice, her eyes

#You're just a scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat
I'm going to take the chance
#Plain old scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat
I'm going to make the stance
#Scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat
I know I'm in love with --

#Shed it, scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat
I'm gonna be braver
#No more scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat
Whatever her answer
#Is he scaredy-cat, scaredy-cat?
I love you