waning, fading, pulling to a stop

it's been a little worse this week having to skip work for three days to nurse a fever and when one is alone in bed with sleep not setting in, there's nothing else to do but think and reminisce; and too much thinking or too much alone time is never recommended when nursing a broken heart. on the other hand, thinking about everything that happened, piecing all the puzzling pieces together may be able to offer a glimpse of the whole cut-up picture, albeit a hurtful one. plus you can get to bleed out all the poison in your system quicker. just be careful not to bleed to death. it's most difficult getting used to not getting used to what you've been used to for a while. like withdrawal from an addiction. like losing everything to a fire. like a death in the family. facing it now, sooner, can be hurtful, then helpful. and slowly, one recovers. scars remain. muscles may still sting. but the wound heals. low tide. the beach like a desert. the water has receded, no longer lapping at your toes. it's just course sand beneath your feet for now. do you wait for the tide to come back in? would you risk drowning and go to the waves? memories. like photo albums you go back to again and again and again. still, one day the memories won't be as vivid or as clear. for just that first moment, maybe? and the intensity is inversely proportional to the conscious effort of saving it to cliched posterity. would more snippets and snapshots mean sooner wear? the playground. a toddler on the swing. the childhood friend who does the pushing when not being pushed and swung, gone. your feet not just yet able to reach the dirt as you sit on the edge of the swing seat. amidst options, you close your eyes and let your imagination have a go. a man on a bed, sick. getting better. and better.

poopsterton would use acronyms/initialism in messages for doodiebear to figure out the meaning of (i.e. ilylimtmame). very secreat bear agent. like their relationship. only a clawful of doodiebear's friends know; and maybe two clawfuls of poopsterton's friends.