here going lost: donors

On behalf of CRIBS Foundation, I would like to thank the following for supporting this charity fund-raising endeavor:

Lisa Taroma
Lesley Espejon
Aisa Pasahol
Cristine Gamayon
Cedrick Uytanlet
Mark Sapasap
JT Guarnes
Glaiza Francisco
Tin Acedera
Marilyn Punzalan
Tin Morales
Camille Salalila
Kelly Jordan
Cindy Panaligan
Vic Realuyo
Mitch Carilo
Joseph Moll
Cris Mendoza
Nina Saligao
Belle Areola
Abby Ramos
Mharu Talicuran
Mickey Almazan
Kelly Jordan
Pee-ay Danila
Carol Salazar
Crissel Mismanos
Cris Mendoza
Mah Punzalan
Winnie Uy
Joanna Estacio
Marian Mangahas
Jennylen Peralta
McRon Villanueva
TJ Moscoso
Elline Buenaventua
Roald Valentino
Nino Estrella
Onatz Odiaz
Lubert Taginod
JC Uy
Daphne Manaloto
Carlo Cabriga
Rox Manlusoc
Izza Edel
Cindy Ong
Migs Silpedes
Pio Torres
Edgard Domingo
Diane Almeda
Richie Chua
Carlo Velasco

here going lost: track 4

I wrote Missin' Missin' You while I was in Boston in 2005. It's about person 1 losing person 2 who can't commit or is used to playing the field. Person 1 is a martyr type and would rather endure the pain just to be with person 2; however, things can still change and for person 1 it was for the better - person 1's eyes opened and the two parted ways. But once in a while, person 1 can't help missing person 2. Person 1 has learned valuable lessons but it can't be helped - love doesn't disappear entirely right away.

This song is more bitter than sweet, listing down characteristics of player 2. And this song is as of this writing still with the arranger, Sam Valdecantos. To be able to include it in the cd, I took the first of two drafts of the arrangement I already dismissed before, the rock arrangement and recorded a study of the song in the studio. So when the February 2009 version of the cd comes out, I hope to have the final arrangement recorded by some other singer. I don't think it will be as rock-styled as this one. You'll just have to wait and hear :)

Charity-CD update: Slow and steady... I'll be using the next entry for all the names of people who have already gotten their own copies of this CD. Thank you very much for your support!

Here's Missin' Missin' You.

You reason you’re not ready
You said you’ll be there
Then you go and find someone
With whom your time you share

What difference with the playin’
Intentions simply bared
You’re out to finding someone who
You care enough to care for

For an unexpected longer time
My deepest wish I wouldn’t miss you in my mind

(But already) I’m missin’ missin’ you
The sweetest words I feel embracin’
Sooner than the pain it’s makin’
Missin’ missin’ you
Out into the distance pining
Later I know I am getting through

When you think you find the reason to
Finally share your life
When you go and find the one
For whom you turn yourself ‘round
When preference has lost its weight
And only love explains

On this same winding path for
For an unexpected longer time
Could I wish for a kiss goodnight?

Through the rain, the pain, the flames
It doesn’t help to hold on tighter
(It) breaks my heart to know that
Letting go might be the wiser, the wiser!
Oh, I’m missin’ you!

-instrumental-

Later, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I’m
Getting through my missin’ missin’ you

here going lost: launch day

Since I was a bit busy with the boot-camp I was facilitating at work, I have not been able to send out an email announcing the CD's launch yet (I'll do that later tonight and tomorrow) so I took the opportunity of being in front of 30 or so people to talk about the charity project. At the end of the class, I took the microphone and relayed how this CD came about. And then I played the first track from CD version C. The response was generally positive, there were even some inquiries on how to get a copy. I told them to visit this blog first and see which version they wanted to get.

And then I went back to my home building and looked for the manager in charge of our capability group's people-activities-sub-group. We were supposed to meet and talk again about the CD launch yesterday. But she was not at her station again. I'll drop by again tomorrow when I have more time because the boot-camp class will be taking exams.

I also emailed the singers from Accenture that they can get their complimentary copies from me starting tomorrow. Other complimentary copies will be given to the managers who will forward my launch emails. And one copy will go to my Senior Manager who celebrated his birthday last Monday.

Here's a picture of the table where I put all of the produced CD's in my room. There are around 330 copies ready for public (naks, public!) consumption.

here going lost: track 3

I wrote More Than I Let You Know just this June. It's about person 1 and person 2 celebrating their first anniversary last July 2. At first I thought wow after writing so many bitter/bitter-sweet songs, I can write something more sweet than bitter. But sadly, one interpretation was that the song wasn't as positive as I had thought it was. And after listening to it for a couple of months, I understand their point. I had originally intended the song to say that even though i may or can not show how much I love you now, be assured that I really really do. And the most important thing to me right now is having you and making you as happy as possible. But on the glass-is-half-empty side, you can look at it as an unrequited love or loving-from-a-distance type. Oh well... Happy monthsary to person 1 and 2 tomorrow!

Charity-cd update: Posted a couple of bulletins at Multiply and Friendster. Official launch date on December 3. And then a special edition I'll work at to launch by February should include the final versions of Missin' Missin' You, remixes from DJ Drake Pineda and Wrecked Alias, plus additional versions of No Goodbyes from maybe Miguel Naranjilla, Mojo Jojo, and a couple of other guests. So watch out for that too!

How would you interpret More Than I Let You Know?

Love has come my way before
Then it couldn’t stay no more
When least expected- this new chance
You swept in to the rescue

Still amazed at how the stars
Had aligned and then conspired
To gift you to this fool aspiring,
Never tiring just for you

No doubt, I’m not the perfect match for you (but)
No indecision, though times I’ve said it few-
How much I love you so
Much more than I let you know

There were times that I’d be scared
Losing you- may I be spared
My happiness revolves around your happiness delivered

And still I can’t be everything to you (but)
Not one condition so that I’ll be true to
How much I love you so
Much more than I let you know

-instrumental-

No doubt, I’m not the perfect match for you (but)
No indecision, though times I’ve said it few-
How much I love you so
Much more than I let you know

here going lost: oopsie

Oh no! I made a mistake on cd version C! All the printed inserts up to now and 90 version C discs have May Rivera on track 5 when it should be Ryan Arguillo's turn. Apologies to Ryan Arguillo. Anyway, the next batch of insert print-outs and cd burning have been corrected so... here's the screenshot of the new batch's insert:

here going lost: track 2

I wrote Learn To Let You Go in 2005. It's about person 1 getting it on with person 2. They shouldn't be getting it on at all but they do. They sort of fall in love with each other though they know it'll never last. Maybe in some other lifetime they were meant to be together. Just not this lifetime. So person 1 tries desperately and painfully to let go...

This song along with tracks 3 and 4 are the newest songs to be arranged and recorded for this compilation. Also, this particular song is the first song arranged for me by my new arranger Sam Valdecantos. Jondi had become too busy to do arrangement work so he passed Sam's name along to me. And I like the output so far. I'm excited to get the final arrangement for Missin' Missin' You.

Originally, this song was a solo. But none of the male singers I approached liked this song enough to volunteer to sing it - and I think it was too high - so I had May Rivera try to learn it and there were some parts that she was having trouble singing too because it was high for her so for those parts I tried singing myself. Then May and I agreed on which parts she will sing and which parts I will take, and we played around on how to sing and blend at the parts when we both sang and it all turned out good. In the studio, I sang my parts first then May did hers and when we mixed it... well, get a copy and find out and tell us what you think about how we did.

Charity-cd update: Spoke to CRIBS Foundation's Executive Director Marie Labajo and we finalized some stuff about the project. She was pretty pleased about it and even said our target amount is pretty big for an individual donation. Also spoke to the Accenture manager handling the group that I had originally agreed to ride this initiative with. We both came into our discussion with a lack of information of what each other's expectations were so... She was trying to convince me to delay the promotions to January and the release to February so that it'll coincide with one of their other initiatives. I was trying to tell her that I could only limit the release in Accenture and our PeopleSoft group. We concluded we should just meet again on Tuesday to iron out details about our "compromise". While driving home, I thought I should still just go ahead with my personal albeit limited release and not worry too much about getting donations from PeopleSoft/Accenture resources because if they like to include even one new singer or song in the February version, then it's a different version people can get their hands on. Although I understand that pushing for the promotions and release of Here Going Lost now during the holidays and with the big fund-raising Accenture has for its custodians in full swing might make our little initiative disappear into the background, I don't think it will adversely affect or be adversely affected. So that's where we are with the Accenture connection - a misunderstanding. On Tuesday, maybe I'll ask them to give me a step-by-step rundown of what they think will happen if we release now or if we release on February.

In the meantime, here's Learn To Let You Go.

Do you see me? My heart’s breaking
(And) you can’t know how much the pain’s inside
It’s never easy unlearning love
Letting go what’s hard to even hide

Needing you, wanting you
Questioning each word or smile that felt was true

Why do you like me? Did you really?
Why do you stay when you can’t stay for long?
How long will you be here and not be mine?
How long can I bear and not go out of my mind?

Seeing you, touching you
Knowing it could be the last time I do

Teach me how to let you go
Teach my heart to fin’lly know
We just can’t be together
For us there’s no forever
And hoping does no better so
Heart learn to let you go

Simple for you to not remember
Not feel the way you said you did before
Few stars to witness tight embraces
Few memories I won’t keep no more

Missing me, loving me
I’m stumbling with each step I take forgetting

Teach me how to let you go
Teach my heart to fin’lly know
We just can’t be together (We can’t be together)
For us there’s no forever (Forever)
And hoping does no better so (No, no)
Heart learn to let you…

Needing… wanting…
To tell myself we’re through
Mind it… shout it…
I will myself to…
Let you go

here going lost: versions

There will be three versions of the charity cd: versions A, B, and C. Below is the track listing for each, taken from the back side of the cd insert.

Ryan Arguillo, May Rivera, and Michael Carino are all from Accenture. Jerwin Santos is from Soluziona. They all have their own versions of No Goodbyes. I even mixed Ryan's and May's solos into the first track of HGLv.C. Each cd version has a different minus-one for No Goodbyes. And the last track on each cd is a preview of remixes from DJ Drake Pineda. Maybe the final versions of these remixes will be included in the next release of Here Going Lost in 2009 when we include a few new singers singing their own versions.

So I was thinking if the next cd compilation could include re-arrangements of my other songs. One Thing, Scared-y Cat, and even No Goodbyes quickly came to mind as candidates. I'll probably start planning for that around summer. A lot of things are happening next year! Well, there are a lot of things I would like very much to happen (like shooting Amor Power! and mounting the Emerald Party and...) but we don't know if they would. I'll work at it though...

Charity-cd update: Beneficiary is now CRIBS again instead of Food For Hungry Minds. This is final. And unfortunately, there will be no support from the office for this as they're busy with other initiatives. Geez, I proposed this cd last September! And it's not like I'm asking money from their group. Anyway, we'll just have to go Mother Hen on this one and personally promote and sell the cd. Mom is suggesting to raise the price so that we can make the amount to be given to the beneficiary bigger... Am thinking about it but P50 is a nice whole amount...

here going lost: track 1

I wrote No Goodbyes in 2001. It's about person 1 having a really big crush, maybe bordering on love-like feelings, on person 2, but can't really reveal it because of being shy or scared and knowing that nothing can become of these feelings anyway; and so person 1 just resolves to forget about person 2, but not without encapsulating the feelings into a ditty first.

Of all my songs, this song has had the most positive feedback from listeners which is why I include it in my cd compilations either as the main track or as a bonus track. In this year's cd, it ushers three new songs since the last compilation. And since 2002's No Goodbyes cd, I've had the honor of having nine friends and/or officemates record this song. I think there'll be more ahead. Thanks in advance.

Charity-cd update: Beneficiary has been reset to Food For Hungry Minds instead of CRIBS. Will be presenting the sample cd packet tomorrow to the Accenture executives whose capability group we will be marketing the charity cd through. I called an even higher executive earlier, one who's handling the Philippines delivery center social responsibility arm, wanting to schedule a very short meeting to present her with the idea and sample, and she utterly "slammed the care-door" on my face, saying "...don't want to sound like a bitch, but why waste our time when we can't do anything at all for that now as we're currently focusing all our energies on this other initiative? Come back to us February next year or so..." And how I replied was a series of "That's fine"'s. What a wimp I am! And listing down people to route complimentary copies to for Christmas, I included this higher executive's name! Wussy!

Here are the lyrics to No Goodbyes.

I would sit alone and hope no one would bother me
I’d sing alone, find comfort in one melody
But then I found you- my world turned around
I’d only want to sit or sing alone with you

My life had changed, experienced much I never would have known
It’s so strange to learn this painful lesson now
That I had found you; my heart had set for home
But you couldn’t let it in, I’m still alone

No goodbyes, I never really had you
So why should I be afraid or sad to lose you
No goodbyes

T’was a mistake – I let myself fall for you
Hard to shake off letting go or wanting to
Be more than friendly as I had raised my hopes
And as I pick my broken pieces, now I know

No goodbyes, I never really had you
So why should I feel this bad to leave you
No goodbyes

I know love dies
Soon this will be a faint memory
Goes on, my life
Anything less than love isn’t worth me
I won’t turn back
Wasted enough time, now it’s clear, see
I won’t even say it, no you won’t hear me say it

No goodbyes, I never really had you
So why should I be afraid or sad to lose you
No goodbyes, I never really had you
So why should I feel this bad to leave you

I’m leaving you, leavin’ you

here going lost: history

Love writing! Between high school and college, wrote concepts for musical plays. In college, a high school batch-mate and I collaborated on what was supposed to be a sung-through musical. We only got to finish the first of two acts of Esther (based on the Bible's Book of Esther). From that first act, Noel Miranda has his inspirational song, Free, while I have the love duet Never Knew The Feeling (appears on 2004's Ready To). So every year from 2001 until 2004 and again this year, I collect at least three of my compositions, have them arranged, find singers, and record the songs, package them in a cd and give them away as my personalized Christmas present. Only this year, I'm selling the cd for charity. And as of this writing, I've decided on C.R.I.B.S. Foundation as the beneficiary.

2001 - Let Love

love of my life (1998)
let me (1999)
scared-y cat (2001)

That is not me on the cover. I just got a nice-looking image from the net and cropped it a bit. And there you have it. Friends from grade school recorded with me- Jorge Tapalla and Bryan Sy. Also recorded Scared-y Cat with Tim Manlallang.

2002 - No Goodbyes

no goodbyes (2001)
no ordinary joe (2000)
i wish i never learned to love (1999)

Took my passport photo and slapped it on the cover. I thought the clash between the title and the cover was amusing. Recruited a handful of friends from everywhere to render my songs- Gracci Juan, Jorge Tapalla, Bryan Sy, Jay Patrick Santiago, and Michael Vaflor.

2003 - Pluck Me

one thing (2001)
life lessons (1996)
all i want (1997)

Jumping on the acoustic bandwagon, I selected songs and had them arranged with just a guitar accompaniment.

2004 - Ready To

ready to love (2003)
lead me on (2004)
never knew the feeling (1992)

And this was the last cd before this year's HGL. In 2005, I got into indie film-making. I used some of the instrumentals of my songs in the 39-minute short, "69". In 2006, I directed the feature, "Mean Well". I didn't use any of my music here. I was supposed to do another feature last year and it being a musical movie too, I was going to use my songs. But I got busy with work and I couldn't finish the script so it got pushed back. And now I still haven't finished the script so I'll just try to complete it next year. In the meantime...

2008 - Here Going Lost

learn to let you go (2005)
missin' missin' you (2005)
more than i let you know (2008)

Both the 2005 songs I wrote while I was in Boston. The last song I wrote last June as a 1st anniversary present. I'll post more information or insights on this cd's songs in the next few entries...

here going lost

here going lost - a charity cd project.

Last August, I was mulling over what I could give as a Christmas present this year and I thought I could just package a few of my songs again in a cd. I first started doing something like this in 2001. Four years after my fourth cd, here I go again with three new, unrecorded songs plus the classic No Goodbyes. September - I found a new arranger to arrange two songs from 2005. Then I started scouting for people who could sing my songs. And then a wonderful idea popped into my head- I could partner with a group here at my office and sell the cd for charity! The proposal was submitted: Sell the cd for P50 and P40 will go to charity while P10 go to reproduction costs. Target units to be sold is 1,000 to raise P40,000 for charity! Ok, so now I have potential singers- a few friends and acquaintances here, and a few officemates there. I gave them the study cd with me roughly singing three out of the four songs (as of this entry, the fourth song is still with the arranger). Late October - recording started. I was also able to get an artwork from a young Swedish artist, xjoshua, for the cover. It's a sketch of Jeff Thomas, creator of popular web strip characters Pon and Zi.

Tomorrow afternoon will be the last recording session at Love One Another studios at C5. Afterwards, I'll be busy choosing the main tracks and the bonus tracks (per cd version), writing the cd insert text, and burning and printing on the actual cd. I'll be posting the lyrics, snippets of the recorded songs, thoughts about the songs, and the cd production in the next few blog entries.

Please watch out for the cd and buy a few copies. I hope to come out with it by the first week of December. It'll be a great present for Christmas and you'll be able to help underprivileged children through some notable charities (still choosing... Food For Hungry Minds? CRIBS?)

For more information, contact me at +639178535222 or send me IM via yahoo (cookie_curious), via aim (cookiecurious) , message me through this blog or via email at yahoo or at me@jaybeecc.com

Thanks for your support!